


We Made History

by orphan_account



Category: History - Fandom
Genre: Banter, F/M, Group chat, I hate that I wrote this, M/M, everyone is on crack, to some extent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-12-27 22:03:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21125972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It is not a good idea to launch some of history’s best and worst figures into a high school group chat. Or maybe it is?Everyone is 17-19 in this fic and takes place in 2019NAMESEvilVlad: Vladimir LeninBacon: Leon Trotskyyouveyeedyourlasthaw:Joseph StalinZHUKOV: Georgy ZhukovCandyKhrush: Nikita KhrushchevBetterThanU: Marie AntoinetteAlsoBetterThanU: Louis XVIpandasaremybitches: Mao ZedongKimmy: Kim Jong IlVictorious: Queen VictoriaGugugugugu: Che GuevaraHamSandwich: Alexander HamiltonElizabethSchuyler: Eliza SchuylerHitMeBabyOneMoreTime: Adolf HitlerTheodoor: Theodore RooseveltCaesarSalad: CleopatraItsTrue,Man: Harry Truman





	1. Chapter 1

**_HitMeBabyOneMoreTime has added EvilVlad,Bacon,youveyeedyourlasthaw,ZHUKOV,CandyKhrush,BetterThanU,AlsoBetterThanU,pandasaremybitches,Kimmy,Victorious,Gugugugugu,HamSandwich,ElizabethSchuyler, Theodoor,CaesarSalad and ItsTrue,Man to a group chat - “The United Nations”_ **

EvilVlad: what is this?

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: MY LONELINESS IS KILLING ME

CandyKhrush: go and read a book then idk idc

CaesarSalad:Did you only make this chat to tell us this?

Theodoor:I am going to mute this... I’m doing homework

youveyeedyourlasthaw: AND I

ZHUKOV: Ioseb, why are you bored? You’re hanging out with me

ItsTrue,Man: yeah but you’re pretty boring tbh

ZHUKOV: stfu

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: I MUST CONFESS I STILL BELIEVE

Victorius: where is this going???

EvilVlad: I don’t even want to know

youveyeedyourlasthaw: STILL BELIEVEEE

ZHUKOV: Ioseb, what is going on?

youveyeedyourlasthaw: ........ Nothing

Bacon: I am just gonna... do something 

_youveyeedyourlasthaw_ _has_ _changed_ _EvilVlad’s username_ _to_ _something;)_

Something;): oh fuck off Joseph

youveyeedyourlasthaw: rude 

ZHUKOV: Vlad, dont be rude , you wanker

Something;) : well that’s a little hypocritical 

CandyKhrush: I have to agree

ZHUKOV: Ioseb, can we kick CandyKhrush out of the squad 

CaesarSalad: what squad 

ZHUKOV: We made a group chat called the Plastics because that is what we basically are in this school. I’m the Gretchen, Stalin is Regina and Nikita is Karen

HamSandwich: This group chat was made a minute and a half ago, what is going on?

Bacon: that’s what I want to know

ElizabethSchuyler: guys drugs is not okay

youveyeedyourlasthaw: In Russia, drugs smoke you

ZHUKOV: nothing like this cheap American crap

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: WHEN IM NOT WITH YOU I LOSE MY MIND

youveyeedyourlasthaw: GIVE ME A SIGGGGGGGGGGNNNNN

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: HIT ME BABY 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: ONE MORE TIME

ZHUKOV: is this like a song about sex?

Something;) : Zhukov you would not know a sex song even if it screamed at you and slapped your ass

ZHUKOV: charming

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: And yes, loneliness was killing me

CandyKhrush: no one cares adolf 

HamSandwich: jfc Khrushchev 

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: :(

CandyKhrush: aw no, I’m sorry. Don’t cry

CandyKhrush: don’t cry for me argentina

gugugugugu: is that like a personal attack or something?

youveyeedyourlasthaw: the truth is....

youveyeedyourlasthaw: I never left you 

ZHUKOV: I am quite amazed at my - his musical knowledge 

Victorious: I hate you all

Victorious: apart from my bff, Cleo

CaesarSalad: aw babeeeeee

HitMeBabyOneMoreTime: this sounds really gay even though your mates 

Victorious: yeah we are mates but I love this girl . She’s a stunner

ZHUKOV: Could you two be masturbating over each other any more

Victorious: ?

ZHUKOV: I mean girls always comment on their pics like OMG fittyyyy and pretty xx and it all just sounds really gay to me

Something;) : everything sounds really gay to uiu

ZHUKOV: probably because I’m gay?

HamSandwich: wait what 

ZHUKOV: yeah I’ve been banging Stalin for like the past two months

CaeserSalad: I just thought you we’d close friends

ZHUKOV: not everyone acts as gay as girls do sometimes

youveyeedyourlasthaw: i leave for two minutes 

Bacon: this is actually really cute tbh

Theodoor: okay I’ve finished my homework...

CandyKhrush: you and Stalin are my best mates why did you not tell me?

ZHUKOV: bc you’re a nosy little shit Khrushchev smh

CandyKhrush: well...

ElizabethSchuyler: congratulations both of you though! I can see why you two are a thing

HamSandwich: you suspected something?

ElizabethSchuyler: has no one noticed how protective Zhukov has become over Stalin for like the past couples weeks

CaeserSalad: nope

ElizabethSchuyler: well something was obviously going on

gugugugugu: one ship down, three to go

youveyeedyourlasthaw: I’m gonna pretend I’m not here

ZHUKOV: wow

CandyKhrush: I pretend that Stalin doesn’t exist.... Zhukov acts like he doesn’t want to exist

ZHUKOV: Sounds about right

HamSandwich: wait, Ché

gugugugugu: what?

HamSandwich: who are the other ships?

gugugugugu: you’ll find out in due course, puta.


	2. Chapter 2

CandyKhrush: what’s the name of the song

CandyKhrush: where it’s like... I don’t fuck with you you little stupid ass bitch I ain’t fucking with you

youveyeedyourlasthaw: that was too many swear words for me to comprehend 

Theodoor: Nikita... are u fucking ok?

It’sTrue, Man: I don’t think so

CaesarSalad: why do you need to know anyway 

CandyKhrush: idk it’s just in my head rn and I want to find the name of it 

CandyKhrush: anywayssssss

youveyeedyourlasthaw: yeah I’m muting this chat, bye bitches

CandyKhrush: no one cares

Victorious: why does everyone in this chat hate each other 

Victorious: like especially all you Russians 

CandyKhrush: it’s a long story 

BetterThanU: explain?

AlsoBetterThanU: yeah explain

ZHUKOV: Ew who invited them??????

AlsoBetterThanU: we have literally been here the whole time 

ZHUKOV: Not anymore tho 

[i]ZHUKOV has kicked BetterThanU and AlsoBetterThanU from the chat 

Theodoor: much better 

CandyKhrush: so, back in our school in Russia like before we all came to college in America, the principal decided to be all American and have a student body president. There were a couple of weird people from the years above who did it ... because we weren’t allowed to yet because it was only for “juniors” and “seniors” (I think that’s what you call it?) 

CandyKhrush: so Vlad got annoyed with how shit they all seemed to be... because they were. He basically planted weed in this one kid called Nicholas’ bag and told the principal. The principal was so happy he made Vlad the new president and expelled the Nicholas guy.

Something;) : so I had a little supporting team of Leon and Josef and some other people I didn’t really care about so I cba to name them 

CandyKhrush: I’m telling this story?

Something;) : ya win some , ya lose some

Something;) : Anyway, I kind of needed to focus on exams and shit because I kept falling behind so I had to give up the role. I told Leon not to let Josef have it because dang although we were mates, I knew that he would be awful at it. But nooo Josef went to the principal and told him that  
he wanted to be the new one and the principal just AGREED

ZHUKOV: hahahahaha 

Bacon: yeahhhhhh sorry about that Vlad 

Bacon: I mean there was literally nothing I could do 

Something;) : so as predicted, Stalin was shit

youveyeedyourlasthaw: I was not smh

Something;) : you basically ate the rule book and started being so strict with everyone like I think everyone in the bloody school went to detention at least once . It was not fun 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: it was fun for me 

Something;) : and then Josef goes and falls down a flight of stairs whilst drunk with Zhukov and the idiot breaks his leg, had to be in hospital for months because it was so bad and then Nikita just decided to become the new president 

CandyKhrush: at least people liked me 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: they liked how fun and free you made everything. you’re kind of a shit person on the inside 

Something:) : so yeah.... although we are mates... we still kind of hate each other 

CandyKhrush: I think after we left, Principal Marx just abandoned the whole idea of it 

HamSandwich: so you guys just like fucked everything up???

pandasaremybitches: we kept hearing about the anarchy going on over in my school ... it was hilarious 

pandasaremybitches: hey Nikita remember when you came over to my place and had to use a rubber ring to get in the pool 

ZHUKOV: he WHAT?

pandasaremybitches: it was so funny omfg

CandyKhrush: WE DO NOT SPEAK OF IT

——————————————————————————

Gugugugugu: I’m really bored tbh

Theodoor: and?

Gugugugugu: I want to do something

Bacon: back off he’s mine

Gugugugugu: that’s not what I... oh ffs

Something;) : hahahahahahahaha 

———————————————————————————

Gugugugugu has added Theodoor, It’sTrue,Man, pandasaremybitches, ZHUKOV, HamSandwich and ElizabethSchuyler to a new chat named “Fuck”

pandasaremybitches: why did you make a new chat 

Gugugugugu: ok so... you know how Vlad and Leon are obviously hooking up

HamSandwich: I thought they were just flirting you know with the names and shit. I didn’t know that they were actually hooking up

Gugugugugu: I think Leon actually /likes/ Vlad tho

HamSandwich: ooooo I’m listening 

ElizabethSchuyler: so you are suggesting that we try and get him to confess 

pandasaremybitches: That sounds fun tbh 

pandasaremybitches: Maybe get them in a room together??

ZHUKOV: that sounds a bit weird 

HamSandwich: Ok Zhukov how did you and Josef do it 

ZHUKOV: How did we what 

HamSandwich: start dating?

ZHUKOV: We aren’t dating.........

HamSandwich: Oh..... ok 

Gugugugugu: Nice one Hamilton 

HamSandwich: OK IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE 

Gugugugugu: I like the idea of getting them in a room that’s like lit up with like flowers and candles and Whitney Houston

ElizabethSchuyler: Why Whitney Houston?

Gugugugugu: Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey?

ElizabethSchuyler: .... Whitney 

Gugugugugu: Okay great 

ZHUKOV: Oh sHIT I forgot to finish my math homework... 

ZHUKOV: I am gonna go copy off Josef if anyone wants to join me 

Gugugugugu: Coming 

pandasaremybitches: Same 

pandasaremybitches: I would rather copy off him than anyone else 

Gugugugugu: OK WE PICK THIS PLAN UP LATER 

ElizabethSchuyler: yeah 

Gugugugugu: K BYE

HamSandwich: I swear we have had that assignment for a week now 

ElizabethSchuyler: you could give them 20 years and they would still do it the morning that it was due 

HamSandwich: idiots


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no hetero

CandyKhrush: WAIT

ZHUKOV: What

CandyKhrush: if you’re fat and you transition into a woman, are you still gay or just straight with extra steps?

It’sTrue,Man: no you’re a fat woman 

CandyKhrush: huh?

CandyKhrush: oh ffs autocorrect 

ZHUKOV: did your phone just autocorrect the word gay

CandyKhrush: probably

Something;) : HAHAHA

Bacon: Steve Jobs is homophobic the bastard 

ZHUKOV: шлуха

CandyKhrush: сука

Bacon: yep

youveyeedyourlasthaw: да

It’sTrue,Man: oh my god this chat is becoming communist 

Theodoor: USA! UNITE!

youveyeedyourlasthaw: fuck off

CandyKhrush: U S S R

ZHUKOV: U S S R

Theodoor: U S OF FUCKING A

It’sTrue,Man: Hey Russians, remind me. Which country are you in again?

ZHUKOV: a capitalist one 

CandyKhrush: America . The fattest place on Earth 

Something;) : I’ve lost sense of where I am

Bacon: I pretend to be in Russia 

Theodoor: Stalin? 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: what?

Theodoor: Harry asked you a question 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: no he didn’t 

It’sTrue,Man: I said all RUSSIANS  
youveyeedyourlasthaw: I’m not Russian 

It’sTrue,Man: wait 

It’sTrue,Man: what

youveyeedyourlasthaw: I’m from Georgia.........

Theodoor: Well.....

ZHUKOV: to quote Beyoncé-

ZHUKOV: You look so dumb right now 

CandyKhrush: I swear that was Rihanna

HamSandwich: Either way, Beyoncé is better . Even Shakira is better than Rihanna

CandyKhrush: DID YOU JUST 

ZHUKOV: Nikita loves Riri

Bacon: the uncultured swine 

Theodoor: Leon, hate to inform you. But no, that’s you 

Bacon: >:(

Something;) : Awwww is someone grumpy

youveyeedyourlasthaw: wtf Vlad

HamSandwich: wtfVlad

ElizabethSchuyler: #wtfVlad

youveyeedyourlasthaw: stop stealing my shit 

Something;) : Mr Grumpy Pants Trotsky

Bacon: why do you feel the need to do this 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: bc gay

ZHUKOV: Does one even need reasoning when gay

youveyeedyourlasthaw: that’s gay 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: no hetero 

ZHUKOV: aw

Bacon: ew

youveyeedyourlasthaw: ok calm down Mr Grumpy Pants

Bacon: fuck. off . Stalin 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: he’s getting grumpier, Lenin

ZHUKOV: Lenin control your man

youveyeedyourlasthaw: I think Trotsky is the woman in the relationship 

Bacon: 1. We aren’t together 

Bacon: 2. Why does there need to be a woman?... we are both gay

youveyeedyourlasthaw: idk

youveyeedyourlasthaw : when one is gay, one doesn’t need reasoning

Something;): that’s just a metaphor for your whole life Stalin.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> casual joke acephobia bc I’m ace
> 
> thots are hereby forbidden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much of these ideas including 🅰️ has been taken from own personal experience in a gc 🙄 Twats

ZHUKOV: has anyone got any illegal substances?

youveyeedyourlasthaw: ?

ZHUKOV: has anyone recently distributed, purchased or possessed any classed substances?

Bacon: wtf

Something;) : it’s official. Zhukov has lost his mind

Zhukov: no...

Zhukov: I’m just planning for a party next weekend. My party.

Bacon: hang on a fucking ducking second

Bacon: why aren’t we invited

Zhukov: I just want to invite better people

youveyeedyourlasthaw: I wasn’t even fucking invited??

Bacon: WOW

Bacon: WOW

ZHUKOV: oh... uh

youveyeedyourlasthaw: Well? What is your explanation?

ZHUKOV: ... 

ZHUKOV: I don’t have one

youveyeedyourlasthaw: Well, this is insulting

Something;) : I can’t tell whether he is genuinely angry or joking 

ZHUKOV: I am sitting next to him. He is fuming

ZHUKOV: Abort mission 

youveyeedyourlasthaw: really, Georgy? Do you just dislike me?

ZHUKOV: Nonono I think you’re a great person... you are just not... party material... especially if my parents are going to be there

youveyeedyourlasthaw: 1) why the hell are your parents coming to a party

youveyeedyourlasthaw: 2) what do you mean I’m not party material??

Bacon: well you can’t hold conversation well, all you do is smoke and drink, you get dangerously into drinking games and when you actually gets drunk, you just get angry with everyone.

youveyeedyourlasthaw: okay thx didn’t need an explanation, especially from the likes of you, Trotsky.

Gugugugugu: you asked for one

youveyeedyourlasthaw; not from him

ZHUKOV: I have to agree with Trotsky

[youveyeedyourlasthaw has left the conversation]

ZHUKOV: Fuck

CandyKhrush: he will be back later. Thank God my car is at home

CaesarSalad: huh?

CaesarSalad: why?

CandyKhrush: last time he got angry at me for not winning Outstanding Delegate in my MUN Committee last year and I got Highly Commended but it stopped Argentina from winning Best Delegation and he took a golf club whilst I was sleeping and smashed in the headlights and side mirrors. Was not fun.

Victorious; Does he have anger issues?

ZHUKOV: no.... probably not....

ZHUKOV: Just has a short temper 

It’sTrue,Man: the little squirt is closer to Hell

Bacon: it is not as if we are that much taller than him ourselves.

youveyeedyourlasthaw: tbf we are a very short group on average

Bacon: let’s drink more milk

[ZHUKOV has added youveyeedyourlasthaw to the conversation]

Something ;) : from your moms teets

Bacon: did you really have to go there

Something ;) : yes, yes I did

Gugugugugu: can I add someone

ZHUKOV: who

youveyeedyourlasthaw: pls tell me it’s who I am thinking of

ZHUKOV: who

Gugugugugu: ;)

youveyeedyourlasthaw: OH FUCK YES THIS HAS BEEN SO BORING WITHOUT HIM

ZHUKOV: who

CandyKhrush: Georgy, stop trying to be a fucking owl

[Gugugugugu has added Snort to the conversation]

youveyeedyourlasthaw: NIC!

Snort: JOOOOOEEE

CandyKhrush: oh Jesus ....

Something;) : who is this

youveyeedyourlasthaw: Ceausescu you fuck

[CandyKrush has removed Snort from the conversation]

youveyeedyourlasthaw: what the fuck did you do that for

CandyKhrush: i don’t like him

youveyeedyourlasthaw: well I don’t like you 

[youveyeedyourlasthaw has added Snort to the conversation]

Snort: jfc don’t cry Nikita 

CandyKhrush: I’m not crying

youveyeedyourlasthaw: he is holding them back

Snort: awwww cute

CandyKhrush: fuck off

Snort: nope

CandyKhrush: I hate you 

Snort: I hate me too

[youveyeedyourlasthaw has removed CandyKhrush from the conversation]

Snort: BEGONE THOT

ZHUKOV: Thottimus Maximus 

Snort: IF SHE BREATHES, She’s a THOT

Bacon: ok boomer

Something ;) : Leon that’s straight

Bacon: Vlad that’s heterophobic

Something ;) : I’m asexual

ZHUKOV: what is that

It’sTrue,Man: he’s sexually attracted to the letter A

Something ;) : no

Something ;) : no

Something ;) : no

ZHUKOV : 🅰️

Gugugugugu: stop it Patrick, you’re scaring him!

Bacon: stop it Zhukov, you’re arousing him!

youveyeedyourlasthaw: 🅰️

Snort:🅰️

TheHolyGay:🅰️

HamSandwich:🅰️

pandasaremybitches:🅰️

ElizabethSchuyler:🅰️

Theodoor:🅰️

Victorious: 🅰️

Something ;) : REEEEEEE

youveyeedyourlasthaw: REEEEEEEEE

ZHUKOV: wait a second

ZHUKOV: who tf is TheHolyGay

youveyeedyourlasthaw: Rasputin

youveyeedyourlasthaw: wait 

youveyeedyourlasthaw : HOW DID HE GET IN HERE

TheHolyGay: one needs no reasoning when they’re gay

ZHUKOV: oh my gosh, another thot

[ZHUKOV has removed TheHolyGay from the conversation]

ZHUKOV: BEGONE


End file.
